WHAT HAS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

908012707200002525_340223225It has been a quite painful week, amidst the deep throaty laughter shared with my slightly crazy friends, the bubbling excitement over the resumption of a new and my penultimate semester in the faculty of law, university of Lagos, clasped in the palm of my mind had been the thought of what could have been.
How friendships could easily turn sour.
Myriads of emotions flowed through my blood filled veins, a staggering pain hammering its way towards the core of my all but stony heart. It wasn’t in the way he ignores me each time I try to say hi, not in the way he indirectly insults me on social media, not even the way he bad-mouths me to his friends within the confines of King Jaja Hostel mattered much to me.
It was the fact that this was a person I could say absolutely anything to, even the most ridiculous ‘gists’ manifestly laced with absurdities, I couldn’t watch a kissing scene without covering my eyes, but I could talk to him about Sex (something I couldn’t and still cannot discuss with any person on earth), the pains and glory without batting an eye-lash, with him I could just be me. And now as I stare from a safe distance searching for clues and subtleties about a man that had once held my heart spell bound, I see an alien; I feel a sense of loss, filled with so much anger, bitterness and self pride, he had become a person that I could no longer recognise.
I tried to run.
I would look at him with a longing I had never thought I could feel, later I would come to realise that he wasn’t interested. There was an ex in the picture that I never knew existed. I would accompany him everywhere as I never wanted to know the sorrow of departing from his glorious presence, yet still…
Nothing happened.
Secretly I would hopefully wish that we could together, bypass the formalities, damn the unknown and gracefully slide into some sort of fairy tailed intimacy. Often times, lines from a song by Colbie Caillat would cross my mind:
I don’t know boy, I think I may be falling for you, dropping so quickly…
I’ve been spending all my time just thinking about you, I don’t know what to do
A penny for my wishful thinking one would assume, but my thinking made me all the more penniless, if not even stuck in some form of abject emotional impoverishment.
I burned, I melted but I did it all alone.
And then love was damned.
It had all come down to the wellbeing of my sanity, feeling so small and stupid, I finally convinced myself that it was nothing but a lost cause.
After all, what has love got to do with it?
A second hand emotion or nah?
Good fortune would later bring me to the door step of a man who would love, cherish and respect me whether I felt the same way or not. Till today I still wake up at dawn to pinch myself and at the same time ask myself “Baby girl, it this for real! It’s been a roller coaster of brimming love I tell ya.
All those things about a guy calling you day and night to check on you isn’t too far-fetched, and trust me, it just never gets tiring NEVER!
Spoiler Alert!
The other guy, yeah he fell in love, did I mention that I was the “lucky girl” but by then, I was over it, done and dusted were the words stamped in bright tomato red over the ruins and ashes of what was but never could be. Let’s be friends we said, but that didn’t work out for long and at the end of the day it became a criminal case of an “Unrequited love”, a few fallouts and the end seemed near, it’s funny you’re the broken one when all along I was the one that needed saving.
CPR?
CARDIOPULMONARY RESUSCITATION
You know all those things lifeguards do at the beach to resuscitate a lad who almost got drowned? Yeah I tried that but someone’s larger than life ego got in the way. Trying not to go all Taylor swift on you but the question still remains:
What has love really got to do with it?
I do not blame him for not knowing the gentleness of my soul
When I only showed him how violently I loved
I remain loyal man but;
If people were rain you’d be a drizzle and I a hurricane, your love came a little too late, and what is that proverb about an opportunity lost? Well, you get the drift.

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